true friends? (2)

[molly]

hi um this is my first time going on this but i am just going to write. um in elementry school i wasn't very popular but i had my close group of friends an that was good enough for me but everytime i find someone i think can be my best friend and someone i can relate to they dump me for someone more popular and i got sick of it so for high school i switched out to a school i like a lot better, and i made a lot of new friends who i love but once again i found a best friend who was the most popular girl! but this is not one of those schools who the most popular girl is mean. she is soooo nice and we get along great and i even had a halloween party and invited her early so we could hang out and get in our costumes together and i asked her if she was my best friend and she said she already thought i was. i was so happy but she already had a best friend who was her best friend throughout elementry. and we spent every weekend together but after a few week she started to pull away and not hang out with me or not call me back or not want to hang out! i was heart broken and was crying with my mom becouse i had finally found a best friend and she ditched me! and started hanging out with her old best friend! now i can't trust anyone to be my best friend!
any advice?

[Laura]

hi molly!
Thanks for joining Tassi !

I see how you could be upset, but first take a step back. Your friend goes all through elementary school with her good friend, and in high school she meets you! That's great! But that doesn't mean she can't have more than one friend right? I have so many best friends! It's great! But maybe her 'old best friend' felt like you took her best friend away just as you feel she's doing the same. Why not allow your friend to hang out with her old friend a bit, and then tell her to get together with you another time! Or why not all three of you get together?? If all three of you become good friends, then maybe no one will feel betrayed?

What do you think?
More friends are always better than one friend! Tell her you want to get to know her friend too if that's ok! You don't want to stop her from being with her other friends too so get together- all together!

[molly]

hi laura,
thank you so much for the advice i will try that and report back!
thanks molly

[Jennys]

Hi Molly!

I'm happy you posted this on Tassi because its deinitely something that many girls go through. I hope you worked things out with your friend since your last post! Sounds like your friend might just be having some trouble juggling her friends from elementary school and her new friends from high school, which is normal. Although it might seem hard to trust someone to be your best friend after what happened, you don't have to feel this way. You mentionned that you met a lot of new friends in the school you switched to so its very possible that you will make more best friends. As Cassie said, you can have more than one best friend. As you go through high school you will become closer with your friends and it will be easier for you to see who you can trust. I hope this helps!

Jenny

[JoniM]

Hi Molly,
Firstly, I want to say that I am very proud of you for being able to post something this personal on Tassi. It is great that you are seeking advice.
After reading your first comment, I find that I can relate a lot to what you wrote. I understand that you are already undergoing the transition from elementary school to high school and that in itself can be very stressful even if you wanted the change. It is not always easy to make new friends especially when you do not know a lot of people at your new school and it is great that you have already formed a friendship and that you are able to call this new girl your best friend. However, I think that Jenny and Laura are right in saying that if this new best friend of yours grew up with her other best friend, it is only normal that they still want to spend a lot of time together. Just put yourself in your new best friend shoes and think about how she may be feeling. Sometimes it can be challenging to balance two "best" frienships at the beginning especially when those two "best" friends do not know each other.

I am sure your new best friend likes you since she is already planning to spend time with you. I think that maybe you should let her spend time with her old best friend to tell her about the new friend she made. Eventually, hopefully all of you can be friends. Also while she is doing that, you should try and focus on keeping the strong friendship that you have with your old best friends from elementary because those are the friendships that will last forever. In the end it does not matter who was the most popular girl or who was in the popular group because once you graduate high school you will rarely see anyone other than your close friends who you choose to hang out with.

I hope this helps
Joni